Wednesday, September 14, 2011

How Mormon is Mitt?

Thank you, Twitter. Thank you very much:

Mitt is so Mormon he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.
Mitt is so Mormon he’s organizing his precinct walkers in pairs to knock doors with a very special message.

Mitt is so Mormon he’ll choke up and weep during his inaugural address. And then say, “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.”
Mitt is so Mormon, he will actually hang the Constitution up by a thread, just so he can save it.
Mitt is so Mormon he isn’t as concerned about getting American youth jobs as he is about getting them married.
Mitt is so Mormon, that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”
Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to Congress as “The Great and Spacious Building.”
Mitt is so Mormon that out of “concern for the one” he’ll invite Kim Jong-Il to join the fold.
Mitt is so Mormon that he’s installing two basketball hoops at the inaugural ball so there’s a place to hang decorations.
Mitt is so Mormon, he doesn’t campaign: he “fellowships.”
Mitt is so Mormon that the Marine Band will play “Praise to the Man” when he enters a room. [To me, the best part of this one is that, when it was first penned, the song Praise to the Man was sung to the tune of Hail to the Chief.]
Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll appoint Lavell Edwards head of the Department of Defense.
Mitt is so Mormon, he will add the phrases “every fiber of my being” and “beyond a shadow of a doubt” to the presidential oath of office.

It reminds me of the great series of jokes they had if Lieberman followed Clinton into the White House instead of Bush: Goodbye Bubba, Hello Bubbala!

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