Highlights from the Preisdent's Correspondants' Dinner. The fullness of his and Jay Leno's comments at the link.
I wasn't sure that I should actually come tonight. Biden talked me into it. He leaned over and he said, "Mr President ... this is a big **** meal."
Of course, I don't have the star power I once had, but in my defense, neither do all of you.
By the way, all of the jokes here tonight are brought to you by our friends at Goldman Sachs. So you don't have to worry -- they make money whether you laugh or not.
There are few things in life that are harder to keep than love -- well, love and a birth certificate.
Unfortunately, John McCain couldn't make it. Recently he claimed he had never identified himself as a maverick. And we all know what happens in Arizona when you don't have ID...
A few weeks ago I was able to throw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. And I don't know if you saw it, but I threw it a little high and a little outside. This is how FOX News covered it: "President panders to extreme left-wing of batter box." On the other hand, MSNBC had a different take: "President pitches no hitter."
[Some fake headlines from US History for Politico:] "Lincoln Saves Union! But can he save house majority? He's lost the Southern white vote." and Senior Whig Official announces on July 3, 1776 that "Talks Break Down; Independence Dead."
There aren't a few secret provisions in the health care bill. There are, like, hundreds.... "This bill shall cover short-term memory loss related to the passage of Massachusetts health care reform." Good news, Mitt, your condition is covered! ... "If you do not like the ruling of your death panel you can appeal."