Thursday, July 1, 2010

More Lawful Good Monsters - Zombies

Again with the human-devouring alternatives! Organic soy-based brain substitute? Please!

On the one hand, lacking brains would make zombies prime targets for organic marketing strategies ... oh, right, if only they had the intelligence to participate in markets! Another one of those institutions prerequisite for markets to be the answer. (hmmm... Possible future topic: Libertarian monsters)

The thing is, lawful good zombies CAN'T exist. Morality itself doesn't exist unless you 1) can decide what you believe is right and wrong and 2) have the freedom to make a choice between them. Zombies lack the first and, even if you imagine a zombie capable of ethical thought, it probably lacks the self-control for the latter. That's what makes them zombies rather than mind flayers, and that's their appeal, for both horror and (as I've pointed out) political purposes.

Now a lawful good mind flayer, that's a possibility. They can participate in markets for brain substitute, raise livestock, and do most anything I suggested vampires could do. But the whole point of zombies is that there's no will, let alone free will, nothing to reason with, nothing to bargain with, nothing to do but slaughter or flee.

Can someone more familiar with the zombie oeuvre inform me whether zombies can be satisfied eating livestock? If so, would livestock become zombified as well? If so, what regulatory precautions would need to be made to prevent against BSE (mad cow disease), which comes in large part when animals eat each others' brains?

Ah, the food safety regulation of mad zombie cows. I ask you, where else could you go to get such debate? I ask you again, ... where could I get something like that published?

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