The Onion reports that the American people have hired a lobbyist to represent them in Washington. It's been a long time coming, and I'm quite happy to see it:
"The goal is to make it seem politically advantageous for legislators to keep the American people in mind when making laws," Weldon said. "Lawmakers are going to ask me, 'Why should I care about the American people? What's in it for me?' And it will be up to me and my team to find some reason why they should consider putting poverty and medical care for children on the legislative docket."